


Weird Family Time

by Latishiante1001



Series: Dem Gay Hoesᵀᴹ [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (Obviously), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Codenames, Everyone Is Gay, Family, Family Dynamics, Family House, Fluff, Group chat, Other, Polyamorous Pack, Polyamory, Spiders, Swearing, Team as Family, Texting, They have a house together, Traumatized Bellamy Blake, Trigedasleng, Usernames, chatfic, chatroom fic, everyone is poly, family home, fear of spiders, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24091837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latishiante1001/pseuds/Latishiante1001
Summary: Every family needs someone to keep them from killing each other. In this family, it's four someones.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/John Murphy, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: Dem Gay Hoesᵀᴹ [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737961
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Weird Family Time

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the third part, my dudes! I was cracking up writing this so I hope it makes you laugh. I hope all of you enjoy this part!

**Precious Abs:** HELP

**Precious Abs:** SOMEONE

**Precious Abs:** PLEASE HELP ME

**Bell:** WHERE’S THE FIRE?!

**Precious Abs:** I’M IN THE BATHROOM AND THERE’S A SPIDER PLEASE I NEED HELP

**Bell:** That is NOT my department. Clarke?

**Princess:** I’m already on my way, Harper

**Precious Abs:** PLEASE HURRY IT KEEPS MOVING

**Bell:** Harper, listen to me. 

**Cockroach:** Bitch, you’re typing. How is she supposed to  _ listen _ to you?

**Bell:** MURPHY I SWEAR TO GOD

**Bell:** Just keep breathing. Clarke is on her way and you’ll be okay. 

**Drunk:** Careful Murphy, or you’ll get a spankin’

**Cockroach:** I will eat your toes

**Bell:** SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU

**Bell:** Monty, can you go to Harper to calm her down?

**Precious:** On my way. Jasper, Murphy, listen to Dad.

**Cockroach:** 😠

**Drunk:** 😠😢

**Princess:** I got the spider and I’m going to put it outside so if you don’t want to be near it, stay away from my journey to the front door.

**Haiplana:** Noted 👍

**CawCaw:** Thanks for the warning, Mom

**Princess:** You’re welcome 😊 

**_CawCaw 2.0_ ** **sent a photo! (Harper is clinging onto Monty with a small smile of relief on her face)**

**Millerpede:** Aww

**Haiplana:** Aww

**CawCaw:** Emori, Monty, you’re doing great, sweeties.

**CawCaw 2.0:** Thanks, Raven

**Snowflake:** Dis bitch said where’s the fire!! 😂😂😂

**Snowbitch:** 😂😂😂

**Bell:** Shut up

**Drunk:** 🔥<<< There it is

**Snowbitch:** Get it, Bellamy. I believe in you

**Bell:** 😑 I hate you guys

**Raccoon:** *gasp* Bellamy! You can’t say that to the children!

**Bell:** They aren’t my children!

**Drunk:** 🥺😭

**Snowflake:** 🥺😭

**Snowbitch:** 🥺😭

**_Princess_ ** **sent a photo! (Clarke, Lexa, Murphy, Harper, and Monty have their arms crossed over their chests and have disapproving looks on their faces, though Clarke’s is more of a ‘excuse me’ look)**

**Bell:** I take it back…

**Drunk:** 😄

**Snowflake:** 😄

**Snowbitch:** 😄

**Bell:** Ugh

**Bell:** Who the hell took that photo anyway?

**_Princess_ ** **sent a photo! (Miller’s grinning face)**

**Bell:** Of course it was Miller

**Millerpede:** 😆

**CawCaw:** So Bellamy is Dad, Murphy’s his Chaotic Hubby, Clarke is Mom, and Lexa is her Wife.

**Precious:** So we have two Moms and two Dads, got it.

**Cockroach:** Anyone who calls me ‘Daddy’ or ‘Dad’ will be viciously attacked 

**Drunk:** Why? ‘Cause you already do that to Bellamy?

**Cockroach:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH????

**Bell:** MURPHY DO NOT ATTACK JASPER

**Princess:** JASPER DM ONE OF US YOUR LOCATION SO WE CAN STOP HIM

**Drunk:** NYAHAHA

**Drunk:** Can’t get me now, can ya, Pop?!

**Bell:** How the hell did you stop him?

**_Drunk_ ** **sent a video! (Starts showing Jasper holding Monty before the camera flips to show Murphy extremely close to the camera with murder in his eyes)**

**Princess:** I FUCKING JUMPED WHEN THE CAMERA FLIPPED

**Precious Abs:** SO DID I

**Precious Abs:** SO DID FUCKING I

**Haiplana:** Good plan, Jasper

**Drunk:** Thanks, Octavia

**Precious:** Dad, can you come get Murphy?

**Bell:** Where are you guys? 

**Precious:** Mine and Harper’s room

**Bell:** On my way

**Precious:** Thank you

**_Haiplana_ ** **sent a photo!**

**Haiplana:** To not even being fazed by Monty calling him ‘Dad’

**Haiplana:** That’s what I call Character Developmentᵀᴹ

**Bell:** It’s gonna happen no matter what

**Precious:** We, well, I won’t do it if it bothers you

**Drunk:** But he likes it tho

**Bell:** Jasper, I will disown you

**Drunk:** You can’t. Mom and Mama won’t let you

**Princess:** He’s right

**Raccoon:** He is correct

**Bellamy:** Murphy

**_Haiplana_ ** **has muted** **_Cockroach_ ** **!**

**Haiplana:** DID YOU NOT THINK THAT THROUGH BIG DUMBASS BROTHER OF MINE???

**Bell:** …

**Bell:** Not at first, no

**Millerpede:** DISOWN HIM AND UNMUTE ME

**Millerpede:** DIAJHJDIKSOWJFJEKLO

**Millerpede:** THAT WAS MURPHY

**_Bell_ ** **sent a video! (Bellamy’s confused face as the sound of Murphy saying ‘Ow’ gets increasingly louder before Octavia brings Murphy in by his ear, dumping him on the ground. “He goes to attack one more person, I’m attacking him** **_and you_ ** **,” Octavia says before walking away. “You already did!” Murphy looks at the doorway but Octavia is already gone.)**

**Bell:** Should we replace Murphy in the parent grou- What is this? 

**Princess:** Parent Board? Parent Group? I don’t know… Lexa?

**Raccoon:** Foursome

**Princess:** SWEETIE NO

**Bell:** I see how it is…

**Princess:** NO

**Princess:** Foursome has a whole ‘nother meaning that is not meant for whatever this is

**Princess:** And, Bellamy, we’re not talking about that in this chat

**Raccoon:** ???

**Raccoon:** oh…

**Raccoon:** OH 

**Raccoon:** OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY OCTAVIA I DIDN’T KNOW

**Haiplana:** It’s okay, I believe you. I’m more disturbed that BellAMY WAS MORE THAN WILLING TO TALK ABOUT IT IN THIS CHAT IN FRONT OF HIS LITTLE SISTER

**Bell:** I WAS NOT

**Haiplana:** YOU WERE

**Bell:** I WAS MAKING  _ ONE _ COMMENT

**Bell:** I WAS NOT GOING TO LET IT GO PAST THAT

**_OG_ ** **sent a photo! (Octavia pouting while somehow still looking disgusted)**

**OG:** I had to send that because how the hell is she pouting and still looking disgusted?

**Bell:** It’s a talent of hers

**Snowbitch:** Yo, it’s ya boi

**Haiplana:** BELLAMY WHAT DID I SAY?!

**Bell:** MURPHY WHAT DID YOU DO TO ECHO?!

**Snowbitch:** NOTHING

**_Snowbitch_ ** **sent a photo! (Normal photo of Echo with Murphy behind him)**

**Snowbitch:** I’m fine. He came and asked to use my phone to look and talk in the chat since Octavia muted him.

**Snowbitch:** Plus, Roan is here too so if Murphy knows what’s good for him, he’s not gonna try anything.

**Precious Abs:** He doesn’t

**Snowbitch:** It’s ya boi. Shut up, Harper.

**_Snowflake_ ** **sent a video! (Echo snatches her phone from Murphy and threatens, “Behave or** **_I_ ** **will be the one to attack you.” Murphy nods his head and gets the phone back.)**

**Snowbitch:** M’Kay, first of all. Bellamy, what the fuck? You’re really trying to replace your Chaotic Hubbyᵀᴹ?!

**Bell:** Are you going to be responsible, Murphy?

**Snowbitch:** ...Yeah

**Bell:** Murphy, I’m serious.

**Snowbitch:** But being responsible is no fun!

**Drunk:** He’s not wrong

**Raccoon:** Hush, child, the adults are talking

**Bell:** Then when you can be responsible, you can come back to the Parent Board. You’re still my Chaotic Hubbyᵀᴹ.

**_OG_ ** **sent a video! (The camera is shaking some with Lincoln’s laughter but Octavia is looking off into the distance with a dead look in her eyes)**

**OG:** She’s having flashbacks 😂😂😂

**OG:** Sorry, continue

**_Haiplana_ ** **has muted** **_OG_ ** **!**

**Snowbitch:** ...Fine.

**Snowbitch:** Who are you replacing me with?

**_Haiplana_ ** **has muted** **_Snowbitch_ ** **!**

**Snowflake:** THIS IS ECHO WHAT THE FUCK OCTAVIA?!

**_Haiplana_ ** **has muted** **_Snowflake_ ** **!**

**Bell:** O, what the hell?!

**Bell:** O?

**Bell:** I’m gonna go check on her real quick

**Princess:** SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH BELLAMY

**CawCaw:** What do you mean?

**Raccoon:** HE JUST SCREAMED “OH MY GOD” AND CLARKE AND I ARE GOING TO CHECK ON HIM

**_Raccoon_ ** **sent a video! (Clarke is asking Bellamy, who is curled in a ball on the floor, what’s wrong and he’s just shaking his head back and forth. Out of nowhere, he yells, “And you thought what I said was bad?!” He gets up and before walking away, he yells through the door, “Unmute Roan, Echo, Murphy, and Lincoln!”)**

**Drunk:** So, I’m gonna assume that the mutings of Roan and Echo were on accident because of Octavia and Lincoln doing the do. Well, starting anyway.

**Bell:** YES AND NOW I’M SCARRED FOR LIFE

**_Haiplana_ ** **has unmuted** **_Cockroach_ ** **,** **_OG_ ** **,** **_Snowbitch_ ** **, and** **_Snowflake_ ** **!**

**Cockroach:** I GOT MUTED BECAUSE THEY WERE FUCKING?!

**Cockroach:** ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

**Bell:** OH MY GOD DON’T BRING IT UP 

**Bell:** MUTE HIM

**Cockroach:** NO I’M SORRY

**Bell:** O!

**Bell:** NO ONE SAY IT PLEASE I ALREADY KNOW 

**Bell:** Who are we replacing Murphy with? And Murphy, don’t even start

**Murphy:** 😠 Fine

**CawCaw:** Miller, Lincoln or Roan are your best bets in my opinion

**Precious:** What about me?! I’m responsible!

**CawCaw 2.0:** You’re one of the children, sweetie. We recognize your responsibleness, I promise.

**Millerpede:** I don’t wanna be fully responsible tho…

**CawCaw:** Says the one who was the Captain of the Guard

**Millerpede:** That’s different

**Drunk:** Yeah. Most people who are in leadership roles in society turn out to be the complete opposite in the bedroom.

**CawCaw 2.0:** Why do you know that? Actually, I do  _ not _ want to know

**Princess:** Roan, you’re part of this conversation. What’s your opinion on this?

**Snowflake:** I don’t have an issue with doing it or not doing it. 

**Raccoon:** So, it’s between Roan and Lincoln here. 

**Precious Abs:** I’m gonna say sorry now. I’m sorry, Dad. But Lincoln is the one who most likely started what traumatized Bellamy to get himself unmuted so he’s actually not that responsible.

**Bell:** I hate you so much right now, Harper but you’re right.

**Precious Abs:** 🥺💗💕

**Bell:** 💓💗

**CawCaw:** I think Roan wins then

**Raccoon:** Welcome to the Parent Foursome then, Roan.

**Raccoon:** I UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS but I said it like that so Octavia has to freak out again since she traumatized Bellamy 

**Bell:** Thanks Lexa

**Raccoon:** 😈

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hope your stomach and sides don't ache too bad after reading this. I hope all of you enjoyed this! Please leave kudos and a comment!


End file.
